Getting out of Dodge

Many years ago when we only had two small girls, Matt and I went to a two hour presentation because we were told that as an appreciation gift, we would receive a two night stay in Vancouver. We had no clue what the presentation was going to be and frankly we didn't care.  Those two nights in Vancouver sounded wonderful.  
Turns out it was a company selling vacation timeshares. Neither Matt or I grew up in a family that vacationed. Ever.  We did travel.  Matt's family traveled a lot and my family a little.  When we traveled it was to visit family and we always drove straight through and did not stay in hotels or eat at restaurants.  I don't blame my parents at all. We rarely take our six kids to hotels or restaurants and taking 11 would be crazy! Matt and I almost bought a timeshare that day.  We wanted to.  They had a great presentation and they stressed how wonderful vacations are for families.  Basically, a family that vacations together, stays together. Also a vacation was defined as a destination that did not involve staying in someone else's home. Especially relatives.  It also wasn't camping. 

Three years ago we took our first family vacation.  It was only two nights over spring break.  We didn't go far-just over the pass close to Leavenworth. We had snow and a hot tub and a really nice cabin.  It was amazing and the kids talked about it for the entire year. We did it again the following year in February.  Three nights, lots of snow and a hot tub. The kids recount every detail.  

We are leaving on Monday and this time we are going for 4 nights. There might be snow and there is a hot tub. We have been looking forward to it ever since Christmas. Our 4 year old is the most anxious one of all if that is even possible. 

This year Matt and I are starting to see the benefits of this time away.  I think the kids would all agree that it is more exciting then Christmas.  Parenting is so difficult when the kids are all little and every drink of water has to be served and they can't even do the basics like wipe themselves.  It is physically exhausting.  I thought it was supposed to get easier but in reality parenting is never easy.  We have a teenager now and two more that are on the verge. Parenting is down right crazy. More then ever, I wonder if we are doing anything right. 

Going away together just to be is the time that cements everything that we work for all year long.  We relax together differently then any other time.  I don't even know why that is but I know that it is life changing as a family. 

It is also so simple.  Being a "big" family does make certain things more difficult.  We may never end up taking them to Disneyland. Buying plane tickets for eight people is eye opening.  Road trips are fun but eight people on the road for days on end requires heavenly patience.  So far our vacations have been approx three hours of driving. We hardly even need to stop for a potty break. We make really simple meals on vacation and have treats like unlimited hot chocolate. We have no bedtime or alarms.  We play lots of games together. We talk about a lot of things.

Because we go in February we get some decent discounts.  For anyone that lives in the PNW, you know that January and February is when the weather tries to suck out your soul.  In the summer when people traditionally think of going on a vacation, we live in the most beautiful place on earth.  We don't want to go anywhere.  Go on a vacation in February revives us enough to make it through another 6 weeks of rain. 

I know that the things we heard 12 years ago about the value of a family vacation stuck with us and I am so grateful that we have been able to put it into practice in such a simple way.  If you haven't tried it you should. 

Truth Can Only Free You If You Know The Truth

There is only one crime that I can think of where the victim gets blamed.  If you are mugged when you walk down the street no one will tell you that it is your fault for carrying such a nice bag.  If your house gets broken into, no one will tell you that it is your fault because you didn't have an alarm system.  If your car is stolen, no one will tell you that you should have known better then to buy that type of car.

If you are sexually molested or raped, you will hear that it was your fault.  It will start with your own thoughts.  You will blame yourself because you went running at night.  You will blame yourself because you went to the party and had too much to drink.  Others will blame you. You will hear that it was your fault because of what your were wearing.  It was your fault because you were rebellious to your parents.  It was your fault because you "led" your boyfriend on.  It was your fault because you are pretty.  It is your fault because you didn't fight back. It is your fault because you had a loose reputation.  It is the only crime where the victim is doubted and blamed either partially or entirely.

This is not true.  Even if it is true that you went running in the dark by yourself.  Even if you weren't wearing appropriate clothes (whatever that is). Even if you got wasted at a party and can't remember what happened.  Even if you ran away from home and were living on the streets.  Even if you stayed out past curfew.  Even if you lied about who you were with. Even if you invited your boyfriend into your room.  Even if you said "yes" and then changed your mind.  It is NOT your fault.

It goes without saying that children, girls and women are the most common victims of sexual crimes and men are the most common perpetrators.  When we put the blame on the victim we are saying that men have no self control and that they are basically animals and that girls and woman are responsible for the actions of men.  We all know that isn't true.

I realize that this seems really out of the blue as a post from me.  It isn't.  This makes my blood boil and has for years.  It is the worst in religious settings.  Things are glossed over and the victim is blamed. People look the other way.

I believe that the reason most sexual crimes are not reported is because the victim takes the blame.  I know that there are girls and women everywhere that have pain in their hearts because they are taking the blame for what happened to them.  The truth can only set your free when you know what the truth is.  It wasn't your fault.

Grounded

A few weeks ago I was privileged to be at a beautiful home birth. It was the first birth I have been to since being an official Student Midwife. Not only was I able to attend the birth, I did my first newborn exam. The midwife at the birth walked me through each step and it was beautiful. I left that birth on a high that lasted for days!

  Birth can take so many different directions and means so many different things. It is the beginning of a new family or the creation of a larger family. It is a time of transformation. It is nitty gritty. It is finding strength you didn't know existed in the universe. It is opening up your heart to a huge love. It is hard. It is awesome.

When I think about the enormity of what I have set out to do... Five years of being a wife, mother, and student, and assistant midwife. It means that our family will have to move several times. It means that just about everything else in life has to be pared away to make time. There are more un-knowns then there are knowns. It is overwhelming to the point of taking it one week at a time.

The family sent me pictures of the birth and one was my hands during the newborn exam. This is what grounds me. This is what makes it worth the struggle. I know why am working towards being a midwife. I know that it is a good work that I am called to.

This picture made me think of the an assignment from one of my classes. We were supposed to write about our hands.

My Hands

I have always loved my hands because ever since I was just a little girl my mom would tell me that my hands are beautiful and that they are my grandmother's hands. I love the strength in my hands. They got strong when as an eight year old I started milking the family cow twice a day. They are the hands of a farm girl that rode horses, birthed baby pigs that were stuck, and applied pressure to stop the bleeding of barbed wire cuts on our horses. They are lovers hands. Hands that hold my husband close and also fill him with confidence. They massage his tired muscles at the end of the day and he leans into them. I love the mothering in my hands. They fix so many lunches and brush and braid hair everyday. They clean and clean. They hug. They are fast and can catch things that are falling off counters and have good reflexes. They have folded unbelievable amounts of laundry. They are masters at fixing things that are hurt or broken. There is midwifery in these hands. They aren't afraid to reach out to others. They aren't afraid to take challenges by the horns and wrestle them into submission. They have gently cradled a newborn and they have given some serious counter pressure! They have been squeezed bloodless during a contraction and they have wiped away sweat and tears. Hands are our most useful human feature!

Creating Memories

    I love those moments that are so simple that they are impactful.  Times that you know memories are being created and you didn't even plan on it.  They are gifts. 

   This is a picture of our table on Sunday evening.  It doesn't look like the perfect box with beautiful wrapping paper and a symmetrical bow but it is a picture of a gift.  We were all gathered around the table.  Matt was making leather holsters for the throwing knives they all love so much. 

    We had apple salad made with apples we picked from the trees here on Shaw.  I found my favorite book of poetry, Best Loved Poems of the American People and was reading out loud to the kids.  We also started a new book, James Herriot, All Creatures Great and Small.  Reading to the kids is one of my favorite things to share with them.  Everyone relaxes and gets quiet which is rare.  The younger ones laugh when the older ones do and then want to know what is funny.  We learn new words and we imagine different times and different places.  It is the best. 

   The boys are in the thick of whatever Matt is doing.  Being here has been so good for them.  They can just be kids with very few restrictions.  I admit that they don't take as many baths and I let them pee off the deck.  I know this time is not going to be forever so I want them to have it to the fullest.        Corin carries these throwing knives on his belt all day long even though they are so heavy they pull his pants down.  He is actually really good at hitting the target.  Far better then I am.  He is counting on a BB gun for his birthday.  

  Myles has endless room for creativity and imagination here.  He sees value and beauty in every stick, leaf, shell, bone and piece of moss.  He brings it all home.  He also goes through the recycling and rescues anything he thinks might come in useful.  I have to clean up when he isn't looking or he would fill the house with his treasures. He is so happy here. 

  Ethan is the future Bear Grylls,  He and his cousin spend as much time surviving and adventuring as possible.  They eat grubs, termites and frog legs. I turn a blind eye and a deaf ear and indulge their fearless spirits. 

   It is harder for the girls.  They feel lonely and miss their friends but I also see them become better friends to each other.  Sure they fight with each other like the worst enemies but they manage to come around and laugh themselves silly over nothing as well. I pray that they grow stronger through this experience.   I pray that they grow more self confident and independent.  I pray that their convictions are formed and cemented.  

   For each of us I pray that we learn to capture the moments.  To live fully and to be grateful for the blessings.  They are all around us if we learn to focus on the simplest moments. 

Little School on the Island

   When the sun comes out these days it is a moment to be celebrated and to get outside.  Corin and I have started running to the school in the afternoon to meet the kids and walk home.  He puts on his Spiderman coat and helmet and rides his "Spiderman motorcycle" while I run.

  It is on mile of uphill to get to the school and I have to push his bike on the steepest climbs.  It ends up being a great little workout for me.

  Ruby tags along and we rarely meet a car. 

The whole way Corin is in his imaginary superhero world and I love to be a part of that. Great big make believe comes so easily to children. 

  When we get to the school the kids aren't always happy to find out that we have to walk home. Suddenly their backpacks weigh 200lbs and coats are to hard to carry.  On Tuesday the boys were on the playground and the girls were at the library. 

The library is only open for several hours, three days per week, so we stopped in for fresh books. 

 Today at school the boys got pedometers to track how many steps they take per day.  Apparently children should take 12,000 steps per day. They were happy to be walking home today!

There is a beautiful tree and garden at the end of our driveway. 

Almost home and Spiderman finds downhills more challenging and scary then uphill. 

Living in Seclusion

   There is something about the seclusion of living on an island that lends itself to blogging.  Life on the mainland was so busy and full of interaction on a daily basis.  Life on Shaw is entirely different.  I have lots of conversations in my mind and it feels like they have to get out. Blogging feels like a dialog with the rest of the world and maybe there will be something here or there that others will find interesting. 
  It isn't that I have endless amount of free time on my hands.  Life is actually full and exciting for me right now.  It is that I want to share my excitement.  It is in sharing experiences that joy and pleasure are doubled and that is what I miss. 
  I have to remind myself and the kids regularly that living on an island is something that most of the world would find enchanting.  Not just for the peace and quiet because it is certainly quiet and peaceful; but also for the beauty and the charm of living in the middle of the ocean on a relatively small piece of land. We aren't here indefinitely and that helps me to make sure that I enjoy the present. 
  Finding joy and being present in each day sounds simplistic but I have found it to be difficult.  I have also found it to be the pinnacle of the human experience.  God created life to be discovered and enjoyed.  Choosing joy is part of that discovery and what I want to focus on here in my conversations with the rest of the world.